I’ve only been married for a little more than a year. So I’m not going to pretend like I’m a marriage expert. If that’s what you’re looking for, I recommend these two amazing books; His Needs, Her Needs And The 5 Love Languages. These are great resources from someone that know what they are talking about. But if you are looking for the honest opinion of a 26 year old guy, then keep on reading…
I was married last year on January 24, 2015. And before you begin to doubt how it is possible for someone like this guy to score a hot wife, here is the proof.
I know. I’m lucky.
Or maybe, she is…
Anyways, before you feel like I’m wasting your time here are 3 things I think every man should know before getting married:
1. Grow up
Seriously. PlayStation, xBox, clubbing, and hanging out with your buddies will be limited if not absent once you get married. The more I look at my generation, the more it worries me. We seem to have forgotten about the principles of what the good life is about, and we don’t choose to remember those principles until we are forty something. Some courageous people are lucky to grow up in their twenties, and the bored crowd get it in their thirties.
Something I did not realize until I was about to get married, was that I was really going to be responsible for someone else other than myself. And I loved this person. So when I realized this, I was petrified. Now my primary job was not to take care of me, but now my deepest desire was to see someone else succeed more than I wanted that for myself. The truth is; you will be responsible not only for yourself, but your household.
Call me old school, but I actually believe that the man should still be the keeper and the head of the family. He should be the one caring for the welfare of the family. I don’t know about you, but this is scary. This means that if you are the head of the family, and the family falls, it is most likely your fault.
What I am trying to say is; if you don’t grow up now, when you get married, eventually both of you will grow out. It is unfair to say that the husband is the head of the house, when the husband doesn’t have the guts to be responsible for the overall success and health of the family.
The truth is that we all got issues. You are more difficult to live with than you realize. And when you get married, you will hit a wall; your wife. She will have no problem letting you know how disorganized you are. The machismo in you will say, “who does she think she is?”, but the keeper in you should say, “she makes me better”. So, embrace the fact that you are not too good right now, and grow up.
“Wives, submit to your husbands” – The Bible says. The only question is; are you a man worth submitting to?“Wives, submit to your husbands” - The Bible says. The only question is; are you a man worth submitting to?Click To Tweet
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2. She’s got issues too
The same way you have to grow up, you have to remember that the girl you are going to marry also has issues. I guess we can say that they also need to grow up.
Getting into a relationship is hard, because two world views are coming together. Two stories are forming a new chapter of two histories. Your view of relationships is not the same as her view of relationships. Your values are not the same as her values. You may like coke, while she likes pepsi. You may like Football, while she likes shopping. You may like watching scary movies, while she enjoys chick flicks. But whatever differences you both have, it is this uniqueness that creates the most beautiful collage of experiences between both of you.
But as men, we must understand that every girl is in the process of personal healing. Heck! by the time you are dating, this girl already had her heart broken, possibly many times. And the best thing a man can do for a girl he loves, is to understand her process and become her hero.
When Nidia and I started dating, I did not like where she came from; a place of heart break, rejection, and low self-esteem. But I dated her for who I knew she could be, not so much for who she was before.
3. Get along with her family
Someone told me one day, when you get married, you don’t just marry the girl, you marry the family too. And it’s true. I didn’t believe it at first, but then reality hits; all of the sudden, she misses her family and wants to go visit them.
We may choose who we marry, but who you marry cannot choose where she came from. By the time you get married, she has already lived over 20 years with a group of people that love and care for her. And you are telling me that you have the right to take that away from them? How selfish. I see this enmity between the man and the girl’s family more often now. I don’t understand why. And I know what you’re thinking, “oh you don’t know what’s going on between us”. But I actually do; you are not humble and submissive.
While I do believe that there are those rare cases in where the family simply doesn’t get it, I do think that most of the issues between the man and the woman’s family is because of stuff in which the man is not willing to humble himself.
I am not going to even begin to tell you my story with Nidia’s family. Maybe I can write another article on that!. But what I can tell you is that we also had issues. Big issues. But I understood that I was stronger being humble and obeying than fighting back. Eventually I won them over by understanding, loving, and caring for them.
Eventually this is the people you will trust. So you must be trustworthy. Pay the price to be trustworthy in their eyes. Work hard to serve them, and always volunteer to buy lunch for them. Respect to the father in law, mother in law, and respect to the siblings will go along way. Not only will you trust these people, but they will trust you. And this is the family that will get your back when you need it. They will always be there for you. Heck! I am writing this post because my sisters in law are making me write it.
Whether you need to grow up, understand your girl will have issues, or simply get along with the family, let us all understand that the married life is a gift. It’s beautiful and messy at the same time! Like a peanut butter jelly sandwich, everyone loves the the sandwich, but the inside of the sandwich is a beautiful mess! I know it’s a cheesy example but I hope you remember it.
And since you’ve read this much, might as well share this post. I am convinced that some of your friends need to hear this. If you are a girl reading this, then share this post with your guy. And if you think this post is pure bull stuff then share it too! It’s always good to make someone else laugh 🙂
Okay, since you have read a bit more and you don’t want to leave us alone, then might as well comment below! The more the merrier. Share with us your thoughts, questions, comments, concerns, complaints. Like I said in the beginning, I am not an expert, so let me open the floor with a question:
What are other things you think are important for all men to know before getting married?